Monday, February 27, 2012

Family members threatening (in a non violent way) to get their way

Today was one of those days that makes me wonder how the thought process of my children works.  I'm not talking about Boy or Girl but my older children.  The ones in their 30s.  Army daughter called several times.  The first time I was on my way to the office.  Sure I'll come over next weekend to help organize your food storage.  We can even start a checklist to figure out how much food you go through and try to get some sort of a deliberate storage plan set up.  Once I got to the office she called several more times.  I didn't answer her the rest of the morning.  Son tried calling but fortunately for me I was busy and didn't answer.  I was at the office, everyone just needed to leave me alone so I could work undisturbed.  Army daughter then called in the early afternoon but I was still too busy to answer her.  Good thing.  Unfortunately for me I answered her call just before dinner. 

Have I spoken to son, she wanted to know?  No.  Well it's not her place to tell me his news but she'd like to run a scenario by me to get my opinion.  OK, and I'm sure this will be in full detail of what you have just told me that son wanted to talk to me about.  Sure, lay it on me.  Son and daughter-in-law got into an argument and son wants to pack up the boys and have the boys and him move in with daughter, son-in-law, and baby.  He'll leave wife (daughter-in-law) at their apartment.  He wants to do this rather than have daughter-in-law pack up the kids and move out.  If Army daughter doesn't take them in then they'll be homeless. 

My first response.  I'd take the kids not the parents.  I don't care if the parents are homeless.  It's not that I don't care it's that I'm tired of coming to their rescue.  They will be homeless by choice not by circumstance.  I tried to convey this to Army daughter.  So you have your brother and his kids.  Then what?  Is he going to sit at your house all day and play video games and watch TV?  Don't forget that you have the baby and your school work.  You need a semi-quiet house because you are in graduate school.  Remember?  No, she said he'd have to get a job.  Why would he do that?  He hasn't worked in about 2 years, why should he start now.  Daughter said that they can't afford three more people.  Don't worry, he'll bring along his welfare check and food stamps.  So why exactly would he have to get a job?  She said he should go to school.  And then what?  He said he wants to teach.  But he tells me his leg (from when he broke it as a teen) hurts too much to stand very long.  How is he going to teach? 

Then she went on to make more excuses about the marriage of son and daughter-in-law.  Of course I had to stop her and say if he shut off the video games and got rid of the satellite and movies and all that then perhaps he'd get a job.  If his leg really hurt why didn't he take some of that $7,000 tax return gift the feds gave him and spend some at the doctor?  Because he wanted a new TV?  Why doesn't he get his drivers license.  He always said it was because he needed his birth certificate in order to get the California license from when they moved from Washington almost three years ago (homeland security issues state a birth cert is needed when you move from one state to another...unless you are an illegal).  Well, I gave him his birth certificate about two months ago.  So what's his excuse?  But he will be homeless...

Army daughter wanted to know if they could move in with me.  NO!  How about if they move into the trailer?  "Then what?" I asked her.  His wife would have their one car.  He has no license.  I live 10 miles out of town.  What would he do all day?  Watch the kids?  No, he'd just put them outside and let them run.  He'd sleep.  Or he'd figure out a way to have TV or computer time.  No, he is not welcome.

I asked her what is wrong with daughter-in-law taking the kids, other than we would miss them.  Just because we would miss them isn't a reason for son to screw up our lives.

I know.  If he is really the one to have the kids, have him drop the boys off with Army daughter.  She can have them during the week.  I'll take them on the weekend.  Son and daughter-in-law have a two bedroom apartment.  One bedroom for each of them.  Without the kids they can figure it out themselves.  Of course nothing will get fixed until son gets off his lazy rear.  This, of course, is where I throw in the fact that it's nature not nurture, since the kids were all adopted.  We do know that when they do something well then it's all nurture, not nature...  Daughter-in-law is part of this mess too.  She will spend as much time reading a book as he is on the computer or TV.  She did work for 8 months until she got fired.  We were surprised that she held the job as long as she did.  I don't think either has really looked for work since.  After all, they have the tax return and welfare and unemployment to live off of. 

Why am I bringing up the mess that daughter-in-law and son have made in their lives?  Because right now are the "good times".  You can go to the store and the shelves are full.  You can walk around town and not expect to get mugged or shot.  You have a place to live with all the electricity and water that you want to waste.  Sure jobs are hard to find, but jobs can be found, especially when you live in town.  They are surrounded by shopping centers.  I've seen help wanted signs.  They just don't want to work.  I'd rather son hangs out at Labor Ready all day waiting for an employer to call.  I'd rather he goes knocking on doors asking if people want their weeds pulled in their yard.  Or bring his lawn mower around.  $5.00 to mow your lawn.  Not much money at all but surly better than sitting on his rear playing video games. 

What if there was a real collapse?  The stores were empty?  The welfare checks or food stamps stopped coming?  No electricity?  Riots?  The entire apartment complex on fire?  Then what?  They have no plans for their present let alone their future.  If TSHTF I said before, I'd let in their kids, not the parents.  The other day one of the things that came up in a conversation was if you have people at your retreat that are not related then it's much easier for them to be the "gate keeper" to keep out the relatives that you don't want to let in.

Army daughter, let them be homeless.  It will be by choice.  Don't let their laziness and threats mess up your peaceful home. 


  1. Been there done that and I'm the bad guy for kicking the out after a year of them not doing anything for themselves and letting the kids dstroy part of my home. I don't mind helping out but their idea of a 50-50 relationship is they take and I give. They actually said they wished they were 100% disabled like me so they could get "Free money" to live on.
    Sorry I think I may have pushed my own button.
    My answer would be not no, But Hell No!

  2. Sounds like my brother, what a shame. I supported my Dad from the day I graduated and enlisted, and my brother was always mad that my Dad had the easy life since he was disabled.

    I will never understand people without motivation and drive to advance, but these same people are surrounded by others who will let them stay the same so 'we' don't feel guilty. I hope your daughter understands what you said, but I hope more the other part of the family pulls it together and creates a stable home environment for the children.